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Dentist

If you’ve stuck to a reasonable diet low on sugar derivatives and have resisted feeding your toddler throughout the night, your first visit to the dentist will be a happy one. In exchange for a pair of cool sunglasses, a few action figures, some flashy stickers, and a gooey creature he can throw against the wall, Jimmy will agree to open his mouth, and the three of you will count his teeth, one by one. These teeth will be inspected and cleaned, and for an additional premium you might also buy a fluoride treatment that is supposed to help protect against cavities. Then you’ll leave with more treasures: a toothbrush, a sample of kid’s toothpaste, and a pamphlet depicting the monster bacteria that will attack your kid’s teeth if he ever dares suck on a fruit roll-up again. You should have this first visit toward the end of the second year or so; before that, you’re still night feeding.